1.Normal Guy (Interlude)
(＊Samberg, Schaffer, Taccone)
-Hey what's up man？＊
-Oh, not much you do.
-Hey, are you ready por the party tonight？
-Yeah man, already got a case of Santana's champagne so, should
be good...
-Oh nice.
-Yeah, that's bitchin'...
-(Hello)
-Oh shit, oh man...
-Don't make eye contact.
-Ding-dong, normal guy in the house.
-Hey man...
-Oh, it's great seeing you other normal guys.
-Oh yeah...
-Aha...
-What you guys up to？
-Ah, no much.
-Hey, what are you other normal guys up to？
-Seriously nothing, we just, ah...
-Do you guys know what I hate？
-What--
-Hanging out with a weirdo.
-Yeah--
-Hanging out with some loser weirdo, it's my biggest fear
-Yeah, well, I was just--
-It's like we don't even know where they're coming from.
-Right, we understand.
-I can't take it when some weirdo shows up unannounced.
-Okay, well I gotta go--
-There's nothing wrong with any of us.
-Okay man we got--
-None of us has any major problems.
-Oh man...
-Yeah we--
-Hey, let's make a pact!
-What？
-Let's make a suicide pact!
-Ah, no that's--
-I'll go first...
{＊Gun Goes Off＊}
-The award for best comedy sketch goes to... The Lonely Island.
Who said we're wack？
You said we're wack？
You take it back
-Thank you.
-Oh thank you very much.
2.Dreamgirl
(＊Samberg, Schaffer, Taccone, Mansur Zafr)
The following song is brought to you by Chex Mix＊
Some dude once said
That love is a many funny things
I know there's a perfect girl out there for me
Cause I see her, in my dreams
Dream girl, you're a fantasy
You're the only one, out there for me
My love
Dreamgirl you amaze me all dressed in paisley
Love how not one but both eyes are lazy
When I first saw you you were drivin the bus
Thick skin, strong nose like a rhinoceros
Dreamgirl so beautiful, lips all crummy
Skin like asphault, nose so runny
Thick thighs, no waist, not a care in the world
You not crazy girl, you just my baby girl
Yo you envisionin sweats with the neon patch
Half eaten squirrel hangin outta your mouth
Rainbow poncho, the female Tonto
Hear a loud noise drop a bucket like a bronco
You got your cell phone ring set to Sex and the City
You like a hot bowl of grits only way more gritty
Straight drippin your turquoise my Santa Fe queen
One short leg you got the Santa Fe lean
It's music to my ears when you scream in your sleep
And when you lift your skirt in public yo I can't help but peek
You like Cleopatra, with the eyes of a pig
Love to watch you in the backout when you go out to dig
Girl how'd you get those mouse traps glued to your neck？
Little rascal, how'd you get screwed to the deck？
You put away slurpees like a trash can
Your smile's all stainy and your not too brainy and..
I LIKE THAT! Talking to your shoes lke it's your friend
I LIKE THAT! Yellin at the walls of make pretend
I LIKE THAT! Tellin you to stop it then you don't
You said you gonna stab me in my sleep BUT YOU WON'T~!
Last week thought I saw you on the street
Turned out it was a bag of trash
Just a big ol' bag of trash
I thought you looked like a bag of trash
Dream girl I pitch a tent when you stomp in the room
Like a hellbound turkey mixed with a baboon
You're sexy and you'rre spicy like a bowl of Chex Mix
And I always feel safe when I'm in your flesh mitts
Your teeth so clean coulda swore you were British
Never take the Chex Mix cause you always get skittish
Open clamps with both feet cause you're ambidextrous
No point cause we know you eat nothin but Chex Mix
Chex Mix number one food snack in the land
It's the cereal taste, that you eat with your hand
Chex Mix at your local grocer buy your box
Your family will all say - CHEX MIX ROCKS!
Chex Mix, you're the snack for me
You're the only one, I'll ever eat.. or buy
Chex Mix, you're delicious
You got sixty percent less fat, than potato chips
The end
3.Like A Boss
(＊Samberg, Schaffer, Taccone, Aleric Banks)
{＊Parody of Slim Thug song of the same name＊}
Mr Samberg thanks for coming for your performance review
No problem
So your in charge around here is that fair to say
Absouletly,I'm the boss
Ok,so take us to a day in the life of the boss
Well...the first thing i do is...
Talk to corporate (like a boss)
Approve memos (like a boss)
Lead a workshop (like a boss)
Remember birthdays (like a boss)
Direct workflow (like a boss)
My own bathroom (like a boss)
Micro manage (like a boss)
Promote synergy (like a boss)
Hit on Deborah (like a boss)
Get rejected (like a boss)
Swallow sadness (like a boss)
Send some faxes (like a boss)
Call a sex line (like a boss)
Cry deeply (like a boss)
Demand a refund (like a boss)
Eat a bagel (like a boss)
Harassment lawsuit (like a boss)
No promotion (like a boss)
Fifth of vodka (like a boss)
Shit on debrah's desk (like a boss)
Buy a gun (like a boss)
In my mouth(like a boss)
Oh fuck man,i can't do it Shiiiit
Pussy out(like a boss)
Puke on debrah's desk(like a boss)Jump out the window (like a
boss)
Suck a dudes dick (like a boss)
Score some coke (like a boss)
Crash my car (like a boss)
Suck my own dick (like a boss)
Eat some chicken strips (like a boss)
Chop my balls off (like a boss)
Black out in the sewer (like a boss)
Meet a giant fish (like a boss)
Fuck his brains out (like a boss)
Turn into a jet (like a boss)
Bomb the Russians (like a boss)
Crash into the sun (like a boss)
Now I'm dead (like a boss)
Uh huh so that's an average day for you then？
No doubt
You chop you balls off and die？
Hell yeah.
I think that at one point there you said something about sucking
your own dick？
Nope
Actually I'm pretty sure you did
Naw that aint me
Ok well this has been eye opening for me
I'm da boss
Yea I know I got that you said that 400 times
I'm da boss
Yeah, yeah I got it
I'm da boss
Ok great I heard you, bye
LIKE A BOSS!
4.Dick In A Box
Lyricist：Katreese D Barnes, Andrew D Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, Jorma
Taccone, Justin R Timberlake
Hey girl
I got somethin' real important to give you
So just sit down and listen
Girl you know we've been together such a long long time
(Such a long time)
And now I'm ready to lay it on the line
Wow, you know it's Christmas and my heart is open wide
(Open wide)
Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind
(What's on my mind)
A gift real special, so take off the top
Take a look inside it's my dick in a box
It's in a box
Not gonna get you a diamond ring
That sort of gift don't mean anything
Not gonna get you a fancy car
Girl, ya gotta know you're my shinin' star
Not gonna get you a house in the hills
A girl like you needs somethin' real
Wanna get you somethin' from the heart
Somethin' special girl
It's my dick in a box
My dick in a box babe
It's my dick in a box
Ooh, my dick in a box girl
See I'm wise enough to know
When a gift needs givin', and I got just the one
Somethin' to show ya that you are second to none
To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress
It's easy to do just follow these steps
1, cut a hole in a box
2, put your junk in that box
3, make her open the box
And that's the way you do it
It's my dick in a box
My dick in a box babe
It's my dick in a box
Ooh, my dick in a box girl
Christmas, dick in a box
Hanukkah, dick in a box
Kwanzaa, a dick in a box
Every single holiday a dick in a box
Over at your parents' house, a dick in a box
Mid-day at the grocery store, a dick in a box
Backstage at the CMA's, a dick in a box
My dick in a box
My dick in a box
My dick in a box
5.Punch You In The Jeans
Lyricist：Mohandas Dewese, Mark Potsic, Andrew D Samberg, Akiva
Schaffer, Jorma Taccone
These days, a lot a cats is outta line
Seems to me like they need to get punched
Yeah, but where you gonna punch 'em？
Yo, the choice is obvious
I'll punch you in the jeans, I'll punch you in the jeans
This is not a case of man vs machine
You think that you're safe, thought you got away clean？
I'll roll up on you smooth and punch you in the jeans
I got my fists clenched, gonna throw a haymaka
Rockin' your slacks from here to Jamaica
Shake in your boots, 'cause I'm the earthquaka
Bringin' those jeans round here was a mistaka
I gotta vendetta, it's against your jeans, yeah
Gonna put my knuckles up against the seams
They can be on your legs or on the clothesline
But when I see the zipper and cloth, it's go time
And I'm zeroed in, I got the tunnel vision
Gonna cover you in shit like a ton of pigeons
Man, I hate your jeans, I'm gonna bruise that denim
It really doesn't matter as long as you're in em'
Yo, we'll punch your jeans, we've said it before
Best believe, this is not a metaphor
Better watch your back, 'cause we're on the creep
And we won't stop till your jeans are six feet deep
Man, I'll murder your jeans, I'll feed 'em to the fishes
Here's what I'd do, if I had three wishes
Punch your jeans on all three counts
It would bring me satisfaction in large amounts
If I had three wishes I would do the same
We see eye to eye in this jean punch game
I'd lay 'em in a field, where there's chemical sprayin'
But I'd punch em first, yo that goes without sayin', yeah
Acid wash pleats or a nifty cuff
It's just another jean for my fist to stuff
Throwin' fistacuffs, eat pants like bag lunches
Jeans pronounced dead, 'cause of death？ Hecka punches
Yo, we'll punch your jeans, we've said it before
Best believe, this is not a metaphor
You got somethin' to say, we got the proper retorts
Beat your jeans so bad that they'll wish they were shorts
Gonna revise your Levi's with physical harm
Put divets in the rivets with my physical arm
Gonna beat those jeans, gonna dip em in slime
Turn your 501s into 499s
When I punch a jean, I like to imagine a face
The fly is the nose and the balls are the base of the face
You got taste and it shows, my man
God damn, your jean brand got me throwin' my hands
Gonna go back in time, find the man who made jeans
And choke him to death, if you know what I mean
Yo I know what you mean, so keep your jeans on a hush
Breakout, before you get bum rushed
Yo, we'll punch your jeans, we've said it before
Best believe, this is not a metaphor
So take off your jeans, and reverse the curse
'Cause we the best jean punchers in the universe
It really doesn't matter as long as you're in em'
It really doesn't matter as long as you're in em'
6.The Old Saloon (Interlude)
(＊Samberg, Schaffer, Taccone, Mark Potsic)
(I'm being serious) YO!
{＊blam blam blam blam blam blam blam＊}
It's the wild wild West
You came to the right place my man
Get ready, here we go
(NEW SHIT!)
Welcome my friends to the old saloon
Everyone in town is hangin out
If you gotta drink well you drink it down!
Then we'll all go have sex with whores (BRAND NEW!)
I'm Buffalo Bill, I just rode into town
On my horse, you bet'cha, on my horse
That's the thing in the old West times
Everybody enjoys a good horseride
TRY TO CHEAT AT CARDS YOU'LL GET THROWN OUT
Right out the saloon door on your butt {＊laughing＊}
Come back in and buy a round of whiskey
Guess what？ All is forgiven! (DJ LEARY)
Flippin the jib with Calamity Jane
And you're another guy that's probably an injun
This whiskey is warm and it tastes like piss
OH NO~! Mustache smells like piss!
So that's the story when you get down to it
The old wild West is no place for a lady
I'm the bartender but I'm also the Mayor
So just put that in your pipe and smoke it
I'm Tiny Tim and it's almost Christmas
Sure is dusty here {＊fades out＊}
7.Space Olympics
{＊Entire song done in an AutoTune style a la Kanye or T-Pain＊}
Reach for the stars!
Whoahhohhh, yeahh
You stand on a distant planet
Skyline of red plateaus
Strange air and vegetation
You're a winner!
Welcome to the Space Olympics
The year 3022
Take part in a grand tradition
Your name echoes in the holes of the universe!
OHHHHHH! Yeahh yeahhhhh
Believe in yourself
Take your game into outer space
Every single galactic athlete
Needs a coded ID badge
Drug tests are mandatory
You're a winner!
The Athlete's Village is on Zargon
You all get a junior suite
We don't cover incidentals
So keep your ass off the minibar!
You're the best in the world!
Brace yo'self cause there's no gravity
You're in the motherfuckin Space Olympics!
Yeahh-hah-hahhhh
Let it be known by every nation
You'll only get one meal a day
There was a bit of a budget snafu
And food funding is insufficient!
We can't really enforce a curfew
As there is no light or sound
Just one of the many problems
With hosting a sporting event in space
(Attention all athletes)
(There are minor scheduling adjustments)
Space Disc! Is totally cancelled
Space Swords! Is totally cancelled
Space Luge! Is also cancelled
And all other events are pending!
Welcome to your Space Olympics
All the oxygen has run out
And someone who will not be named
Accidentally hit self-destruct
As you file to your escape pods
I'll distract the alien hordes
(YOU'RE IN THE MOTHERFUCKIN SPACE OLYMPICS)
And as I stare death in the face
I know my sins will take me to hell
You do it for the love, my love
And there ain't no woman that could take your spot my love
8.Incredibad
Lyricist：Jerry Fuller, Roy C Hammond, Andrew D Samberg, Akiva
Schaffer, Jorma Taccone
Now let's take a trip down memory lane
Back to junior high school where it all began
Three bad little kids raising hell at school
We were just thirteen straight acting a fool
Everyday after class Kiv's house was the spot
Making crazy prank calls hoping not to get caught
Best friends, blood brothers, yo we one and the same
Till one faithful after when everything changed
One day playing punch out up in Kiv's room
The house started shaking and we heard a kaboom
Looked out the back window, saw a pillar of smoke
Yo, your backyard is smashed, man, this isn't a joke
Yo, let's go check this out man, oh I bet, let's go
All the smoke and debris led us straight to the basement
Yo, what the hell is that？ Man, it looks like a spaceship
We all ran for cover, as the hatch opened wide
And a little green dude stepped out from inside
He said, I'm from Mars and I come in peace
I have something to ask and it's not discrete
There's a mutated strain in our DNA helix
And you three kids are the ones who can heal it
But we're just thirteen man, what can we do？
How should I put this？ I think we should screw, what？
On my home planet, we can no longer breed
I've been sent to self-precept so we can store your seed
Storing our seed, yo I think he means sex
Man, I'm a virgin, we all are bet
I'm just gonna lie here and close my eyes
Ah, what should we do？ Now it's spreading its thighs
You'll be heroes in my planet, but why us three？
You're the chosen ones, you'll just have to trust me
Yo, should we do it？ man I don't know
To I say we put it to a vote, all in favor say I, I
Okay we're in, cool, who should go first？
I have three depositories to capture your burst
Wait, so at the same time？ Yeah that's what I was thinking
Here's some wine coolers, let's get you boys drinking
We pouted the drink and started getting tipsy
Then took our positions and started getting frisky
One in the front and two in the back
Had him locked up like a Chinese finger trap
Keep humping away, my wife and family thank you
I'm about to explode, yo son me too
Three way climax, best friends forever
What a pleasure to lost our virginities together, yeah
Andy, Jorma, Akiv, you've saved my race
Your reward is one wish, then I'll go back to space
We looked at each other, didn't have to talk
Knew exactly what we wanted before he took off
Mr. Alien sir, for what it's worth
We wanna be the greatest fake MCs on earth
Your wish is granted and thanks again
I may have saved my planet but I'm losing three friend
What happened today was both incredible and bad
Therefore your name is Incredibad
Incredibad, Incredibad, Incredibad
Surprise everyone
9.Natalie's Rap
Lyricist：Andrew D Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, Asa Taccone, Jorma Taccone
We're sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman
Hello, so Natalie, what's the day
In life of Natalie Portman like？
Do you really wanna know？ Please, tell us
I don't sleep motherfucker off that yak and Durban
Doin' one twenty, gettin' head while I'm swervin'
Damn Natalie, you a crazy chick
Yo, shut the fuck up and suck my dick
I bust in dudes mouth like gushers motherfucker
Roll up on NBC and smack the shit outta Jeff Zucker
What you want, Natalie？ To drink and fight
What you need, Natalie？ To fuck all night
Don't test when I'm crazy on that airplane glue
Put my foot down your throat till you shit in my shoe
Leave you screaming, pay for my dry cleaning
Fuck your man, it's my name that he's screamin'
I'm sorry Natalie, but are we to believe you
Condone driving while intoxicated？
I never said I was a role model
What about the kids that look up to you？
Do you have a message for them？
All the kids lookin' up to me can suck my dick
It's Portman motherfucker, drink till I'm sick
Slit your throat and poor nitrous down the hole
Watch you laugh and cry while I laugh you die
And all the dudes you know I'm talkin' to you
We love you Natalie, I wanna fuck you too
P is for Portman, P is for pussy
I'll kill your fuckin' dog for fun, so don't push me
Well, Natalie I'm surprised
All this from a Harvard graduate
Well, there's a lot you may not know about me
Really？ Such as？
When I was in Harvard I smoked weed every day
I cheated every test and snorted all the yay
I gotta a def posse and you gotta bunch of dudes
I sit right down on your face and take a shit
Natalie, you are a bad ass bitch, hell yeah
And I always pay for your dry cleanin'
When my shit gets in your shoe, what？
And as for the drug use, well I can vouch for that
My dick is scared of you, girl
Okie-dokie, one final question
If you can steal a smooch from
Any guy in Hollywood, who would it？
No more questions, what
10.Just 2 Guyz
(＊Samberg, Schaffer, Taccone)
'Hello, welcome to the party'＊
'Hi, I've never met you before.'
'I know.'
Just 2 guys and we're having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
Just 2 guys and we're having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
We'll burn the roof off
This party's going off
You think that we're soft？
You get tossed
Guy Number One
I love to dance
My fancy feet moves putting you in a TRANCE
It's a friend thing,
Friends are everytwhere!
In the kitchen, the den
Hanging out on the stairs!
Spinach dip
Real hot chicks
Spike the punch and take a sip
Guy Number Two
Come to chill with you
P-A-R-T-WHY ？
Cause we got to!
I like playing games in the pool
Who invited Steve？ That dude's a cunt!
Just 2 guys who are having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
Just 2 guys who are having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
Now everyone in the house say Guy Number One
('Guy Number One!')
Now everyone in the house say Guy Number Two
('Guy Number Two!')
Dude, quit tripping
You're ruining my high
My loaded gun makes you reach for the sky
There's a knock at the door
Who could that be？
Why won't the cops let our party be？
How would you like to be.. shot？
Me and my friend.. smoke pot
No jocks No jerks
Just fun with girls
Having fun Guy One？
'The most fun in the world!'
We're just 2 guys who are having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
We're just 2 guys who are having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
We're just 2 guys who are having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
Just 2 guys who are having a good time
(Having a good time, having a good time)
Party over here
Party over here
Party over here
PARTY OVER HERE
11.Bing Bong Brothers
(＊Samberg, Schaffer, Taccone)
{＊Whispered in the style of Ying Yang Twings＊}
You, might, like, our penises＊
Hey girl, from over here your butt looks soft
Maybe if I could touch it, I could tell if it's soft
Tell me if it's soft, cause I'd really like to touch it
And then I'll show you my penis (you guys)
And then I'll show you my penis (you guys)
And then I'll show you my penis (you guys)
You, might, like, my penis
Hey pretty girl, did you go to college？
Did you get your B.A., with all that knowledge？
I like your boobies, in your shirt
Please let me show you my penis (mmmm)
Please let me show you my penis (aoww)
Please let me show you my penis (mmmm)
You, might, like, my penis
(OHH!) Look at our penises
(OHH!) Look at our penises
(UHH!) Look at our penises
(UHH!) You, will, like, our penises
I, will, look, at your vagina
12.I'm On A Boat
Lyricist：Adam Blake Cherrington, Faheem Rasheed Najm, Andrew D
Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone
Oh shit, get your towels ready
It's about to go down
Everybody in the place hit the fucking deck
But stay on your motherfucking toes
We running this, let's go
I'm on a boat, I'm on a boat
Everybody look at me
'Cause I'm sailing on a boat
I'm on a boat, I'm on a boat
Take a good hard look
At the motherfucking boat
I'm on a boat motherfucker, take a look at me
Straight flowing on a boat on the deep blue sea
Busting five knots, wind whipping out my coat
You can't stop me motherfucker, 'cause I'm on a boat
Take a picture, trick, I'm on a boat, bitch
We drinking Santana champ 'cause it's so crisp
I got my swim trunks and my flippie-floppies
I'm flipping burgers, you at Kinko's
Straight flipping copies
I'm riding on a dolphin, doing flips and shit
This dolphin's splashing, getting everybody all wet
But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets
I'm on a boat, motherfucker, don't you ever forget
I'm on a boat and it's going fast and
I got a nautical themed, Pashmina Afghan
I'm the king of the world, on a boat like Leo
If you're on the shore, then you're sure not me, oh
Get the fuck up, this boat is real
Fuck land, I'm on a boat, motherfucker
Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker
I'm on the deck with my boys, motherfucker
This boat engine make noise, motherfucker
Hey ma, if you could see me now
Arms spread wide on the starboard bow
Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow
Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible
Yeah, never thought I'd be on a boat
It's a big blue watery road
Poseidon, look at me, oh, all hands on deck
Never thought I'd see the day
When a big boat coming my way
Believe me when I say I fucked a mermaid
I'm on a boat, I'm on a boat
Everybody look at me
'Cause I'm sailing on a boat
I'm on a boat, I'm on a boat
Take a good hard look
At the motherfucking boat
13.Sax Man
(＊Samberg, Schaffer, Taccone, Matthew Compton)
Wellllll he was the Sax Man from the state of Tennessee＊
First set in with the band at the ripe old age of three - we
told
And when he blew into that horn all the people gathered 'round
Club manager jumped right up and said 'Boy I gotta have that
sound!'
Scream 'Hallelujah Lord!', I said the Sax Man's got my soul
Everybody gotta move their feet, when the Sax Man started to
blow
Now blow it Sax Man!
{＊Farting saxophone Sounds＊}
Mmmmmm'kay he's a little shy, but his genius cannot hide
Cause when the Sax Man starts to win he gonna take you on a ride
Take it Sax Man!
{＊2 Saxophone Notes＊}
Ow! Take it Sax Man!
Okay he'll be right with you folks!
All right, Sax Man, that's my fault, I put you on the spot
But now you're all warmed up and this-a next one's gonna be hot
Kick it Sax Man! (C'mon!)
{＊One bad Note＊}
(What the fuck are you doing!!)
{＊Another bad Note＊}
Haha, okay! Why don't we have a little inspiration now
You know this game, Sax Man!
Repeat after me
Here we go, and..
Shibbidy bop bop, buda bop bah {＊one note＊}
Dip dip di-dip, dip dip di-dip dip {＊two weak notes＊}
Arrip da di-dip, bop ba-doo-doo day-day {＊no sound at all＊}
Fuckin play somethin Sax Man! {＊pause.. one weak note＊}
Okay, movin on!
Sax Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan~!
Sax Man!
{＊One Off Key Note＊}
14.Lazy Sunday
Lyricist：Chris Parnell, Andrew D Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, Jorma
Taccone
Lazy Sunday, wake up in the late afternoon
Call Parnell just to see how he's doin'
Hello？ What up, Parns？
Yo, Samberg, what's crackin'？
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'？ Narnia
Man, it's happenin'
But first my hunger pangs are stickin' like duct tape
Let's hit up Magnolia and mack on some cupcakes
No doubt, that bakery's got all the bomb frostings
I love those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gosling
Two, no, six, no, twelve, bakers' dozen
I told you that I'm crazy for these cupcakes, cousin
Yo, where's the movie playin'？ Up on west side, dude
Well, let's hit up Yahoo Maps to find the dopest route
I prefer MapQuest, that's a good one too
Google maps is the best, true that, double true
Yo, sixty eight to Broadway, step on it, sucka
Whatcha wanna do Chris？ Snack attack, muthafucka
The Chronicwhatcles of Narnia
Yes, the Chronicwhatcles of Narnia
We love the Chronicwhatcles of Narnia
Pass the Chronicwhatcles of Narnia
Yo, stop at the deli, the theater's overpriced
You got the back pack？ Gonna pack it up nice
Don't want security to get suspicious
MrPibb and Red Vines equals crazy delicious
Yo, reach in my pocket, pull out some dough
Girl acted like she'd never seen a ten befo'
It's all about the Hamilton's, baby
Throw the snacks in the bag
And I'm a ghost like Swayze
Roll up to the theater, ticket buyin'
What we're handlin', you can call us Aaron Burr
From the way we're droppin' Hamilton's
Now parked in our seats, movie trivia's da illest
Whose 'Friends' alum starred in films with Bruce Willis？
We answered so fast, it was scary
Everyone stared in awe when we screamed, Matthew Perry
Now quiet in the theater or it's gonna get tragic
We're about to get taken to a dream world of magic
The Chronicwhatcles of Narnia
Yes, the Chronicwhatcles of Narnia
We love the Chronicwhatcles of Narnia
Pass the Chronicwhatcles of Narnia
15.We Like Sportz
(＊Samberg, Schaffer, Taccone)
{＊Phone Rings＊} Hello？＊
Hi, do you want to go to a party with me？
No - the game's on
Oh, I almost forgot, I'll be right there
We like sports and we don't care who knows
From shooting hoops, to the Super Bowl
We like sports and we don't care who knows
Football football football, tennis hockey golf
The game is starting everyone is here
I got my snacks, my friends, and a beer
Just two normal guyz hanging out having fun
(Right guy number two？) Yeah guy number one
E to the S to the P to the N
Is all I watch cause I'm the man
If my team loses I'll be mean all night
If you tell me to relax we'll get in a fight
Watching sports with girls is a pain
They don't know the rules, there's no time to explain
Single, double, triple, homerun
For the celebration I'll shoot my gun
I like my friend, he's a real guy's guy
He's not a loudmouth like that cunthole Steve
We like sports and we don't care who knows
From Wimbledon to the Astrodome
We like sports and we don't care who knows
Football football football, tennis hockey golf
Now when I say SPORTS, you say NUTS
Sports, nuts, sports, nuts
When I say CHEATING, you say SUCKS
Cheating, sucks, cheating, sucks
I drink whiskey cause I like the taste
You think it's bitter but I think it's great
I also drink whiskey and we smoke cigars
Don't believe me？ Smell our cars
We're real men, and we like sporta
If you say we're not then we'll see you in court
I'm team captain and I choose you
I'm the other team captain and I choose you too
We steal the ball and we're off to the races
Then scare the other team with our mad dog faces
Like WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT, WHAT
WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT, WHAT
We like sports and we don't care who knows
From the pre-game jokes to the wrap-up show
We like sports and we don't care who knows
Football football football, tennis hockey golf
Throw me the baseball
Now toss me the pigskin
Now feed me the rock
Now give ME the rock
16.Boombox
(＊Samberg, Schaffer, Taccone, Drew Campbell, Asa Taccone)
Imagine in your mind a posh country club＊
The stuffy old money where the poor get snubbed
The spread is bland, sauerkraut and boiled goose
There's no way these people, will ever cut loose
But then I walk in the room, hold my boombox high
And what happened next, will blow your mind!
Everything got outta control
The music was so interesting
Everyone got out on the floor
It was a bunch of old white people dancing
Now picture if you will a bunch of business men
Stuffed in the boardroom like pigs in a pen
The ties around their necks are like a hangman's noose
In the middle of the table theres' a boiled goose
The old people smell makes you want to puke in the sink
These dudes'll never dance - yeah that's what you think~!
I stride in the room all young and hip
Hold up my boombox, and say listen to this
Then everyone started to move
People rejoiced instead of financing
Your preconceived notions were shattered
By the super old white people dancing
The Big Apple, where people never dance
Spirits go down while profits expand
The cops or the dealers, who's got the juice
The street venders peddling their boiled goose
So many types of people, they'll never get along
Till I bust out my boombox and play this song
The music washed away all the hate
And society started advancing
Every demographic was represented
It was a rainbow coalition of dancing
WHOAHHH-ohh-OHH!
Everyone was wearing fingerless gloves
WHOAHHH-ohh-OHH!
I saw a Spanish guy doing the Bartman
Transport now to an old folks home
Where the elderly are tossed on their brittle bones
The orderlies are stealing, there's no excuse
Everyday for lunch they eat boiled goose
So I grabbed my boombox and hit the turbo bass
And what happened next, was a total disgrace
Everybody started having sex
The music was way too powerful
A bunch of old people fucking like rabbits
It was disgusting to say the least - OHHH!
A boombox can change the world
But you gotta know your limits with a boombox
This was a cautionary tale
A boombox is not a toy~!!!
17.Shrooms (Interlude)
(＊Samberg, Schaffer, Taccone, Campbell)
I'm on shrooms! (yayyyyyyyy)＊
I'm on shrooms! (yayyyyyyyy)
I'm on shrooms! (yayyyyyyyy)
I'm on shrooms!
La La La La La La
La La La La La La
La La La La La La
La La La La La La
La La La
I'm on shrooms!
18.Ras Trent
Lyricist：D Carey, S Dunbar, Andrew D Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, R
Shakespeare, Jorma Taccone
Jah, Rastafarianism
Yes I, Ras Trent
Who dem？ You no want test me champion sound
Oh fire pon Babylon and fire pon a batty boy
Rude boy living in the shanty dorms
My roommate Nick is an ignorant ball head
Now chant down Babylon midterm essays
Then puff from de chalice
I fi make from a Sprite can
Last week I read a book about Selassie I
Then told my bomboclat parents
I was switching religions
Excuse I, oh hot stepper
You do so many dutty crimes
And plus you're fully skylarking all the time
Unnu look ya now
Have you ever noticed how ball heads suck？
Excuse I for my skanking
Give thanks and praise
Me toil part-time at Jah Cold Stone Creamery
In a dub style
Roller skates, a DVD of Cool Runnings
Murder, She Wrote
Are you there Jah？ It's me, Ras Trent
Are you there Jah？ It's me, Ras Trent
Are you there Jah？ It's me, Ras Trent
Please guide me pon your bike path of righteousness
Oh stannaho, stannaho, stannaho, stannahoy Jah
Fussing and fighting and Zion and Roots
Red Stripe, Shabba, Ragamuffin and culture
Me night nurse never want to plant de corn
19.Who Said We're Wack？
(＊Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone)
Aiyyo fam, check this out＊
I was just at the club right？
Heard these two dudes talkin
One of them said to the other one
That they knew someone, who said you guys are WACK!
Who said we're wack？ You said we're wack？
You take it back! Who said we're wack？
You talkin smack？ You're gonna get smacked!
(You sayin that I'm wack but it just ain't so)
Someone said we're wack, why would they say that？
I don't think we're wack, who said we're wack？
Who said we're wack？ I can't believe that
They must be smokin crack, to say that we're wack
Say that we're wack, you probably get smacked
If you say we're wack, did you say we're wack？
WHO SAID WE'RE WACK？ I'll paint your eye black!
Won'tcha check my facts - who said we're wack？
How could a person up and call a person wack？
How could the devil turn the blue sky black？
How many babies born will never reach their dreams？
And how could a person call another person wack？
I heard a rumor that somebody said we're wack
I think that's wack, to call someone wack
I AM NOT WACK, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY
WHAT DID YOU SAY？ DID YOU SAY I'M WACK？~!
All the ladies in the house put your hands up
All the fellas in the house put your hands up
Now whoever said we're wack put your hand up
Now everyone else, put your hands down
(Oh there he is, there he is!)
20.Santana DVX
Lyricist：J Kravetz, U Lindenberg, Andrew D Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, E
Stevens, Jorma Taccone
What is that Cristal？ No, Dom P？ Hell no
This is that Carlos Santana champagne
Oh shit, Santana DVX？ That's my joint
Mine too, but a lot of these busters don't know about it
Well, let's tell these mother fuckers
As a kid, I used to lay awake and think
When was Santana gonna make a drink？
But now I'm all grown and my dream came true
Santana champagne, from him to you
From the heart of Napa Valley and the guitar king
Comes the sparkling wine to make a blind man sing
Yo, it's the champagne from the man with the bandana
I can't stand a food with anything but Santana
What's the first name in champ？ It's Carlos
And to that man I propose a toast
In the sixties, he had lotsa freebie sex
But now he's getting down with the DVX
Excuse me fellas, am I to understand
That Carlos Santana has made a champagne？
That's right mother fucker, here try it
Alright, ah shit
I feel alive for the first time
Each sip hits my lip like a landmine
Without Carlos in my life, I was living a lie
He makes his guitar weep, but his champagne cry
He's a southwest, tie-wearing bolo-champ
Coming straight out the box with a bowl o' champ
Yo, he a beast with the sugar and yeast, mix it in pots
Like the way his release mixes jazz, blues and pop
Add the sauce of fusion, his ladies super deucing
Plus he teamed with Rob Thomas for a music revolution
On the seventh day, it's been said God rests
But on the eighth day, he made the DVX
Gentlemen, gentlemen what is all the hub-ub about？
Carlos Santana？ That's right I see you
Bitches is enjoying my sparkling wine, we certainly are
Well, be careful because this shit will get you fucked up
Bitch
I'm like no other, one of a kind, my sparkling wine
Santana DVX make you wanna have sex
I'm rich bitch, I'm having my chips
Get laid all the time, by seventies chicks
Won hella Grammies, bitches throw me their panties
I'm prolly your daddy, probly nutted in your mammy
I'm a Bay boy, city life, been around the corner
Try to play me foul and my vipers'll run up on ya
A legend, a boss, that's what I are
Accidentally pimped, tryna be killing the guitar
Not young enough to know better, but young enough to not care
I get acting, might slap a bitch with my hair
West coast, up top I bang that shit
I fucked her line and popped Cristal on her lip
Can't stop, won't stop getting my bread
Packed arenas and coliseums, now watch me shred
Oh, Carlos Santana
A monkey drank a bottle and learned to speak
A squid drank a bottle and became a freak
A lion drank a bottle and forgot how to growl
A horse drank a bottle and fucked a cow
21.Jizz In My Pants
Lyricist：Andrew Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone
Lock eyes from across the room
Down my drink while the rhythms boom
Take your hand and skip the names
No need here for the silly games
Make our way through the smoke and crowd
The club is the sky and I'm on your cloud
Move in close as the lasers fly
Our bodies touch and the angels cry
Leave this place, go back to yours
Our lips first touch outside your doors
A whole night what we've got in store
Whisper in my ear that you want some more
And I jizz in my pants
This really never happens, you can take my word
I won't apologize, that's just absurd
Mainly your fault for the way that you dance
And now I jizz in my pants
Don't tell your friends or I'll say you're a slut
Plus it's your fault, you were rubbing my butt
I'm very sensitive, some would say that's a plus
Now I'll go home and change
I need a few things from the grocery
Do things alone now mostly
Left me heart-broken, not lookin' for love
Surprised in my eyes when I looked above
The checkout counter and I saw a face
My heart stood still, so did time and space
Never thought that I could feel real again
But the look in her eyes said, 'I need a friend'
She turned to me, that's when she said it
Looked me dead in the face asked, 'Cash or Credit？'
And I jizzed in my pants
It's perfectly normal, nothing wrong with me
But we're going to need a clean-up on Aisle 3
And now I'm posed in an awkward stance
Because I jizzed in my pants
To be fair you were flirting a lot
Plus the way you bag cans got me bothered and hot
Please stop acting like you're not impressed
One more thing, I'm gonna pay by check
Last week I saw a film
As I recall it was a horror film
Walked outside into the rain
Checked my phone and saw you rang
And I jizzed in my pants
Speeding down the street when the red lights flash
Need to get away, need to make a dash
A song comes on that reminds me of you
And I jizz in my pants
The next day my alarm goes off
And I jizz in my pants
Open my window and a breeze rolls in
And I jizz in my pants
When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of Sixth Sense
I jizzed in my pants
I just ate a grape
And I jizzed in my pants
I went to the, jizzed in my pants
(Okay, seriously you guys, can we？ Okay？)
I jizz right in my pants every time you're next to me
And when we're holding hands it's like having sex to me
You say I'm premature, I just call it ecstasy
I wear a rubber at all times, it's a necessity
'Cause I jizz in my pants
(I jizz, yes, I jizz in my pants)
(Yes, I jizz in my pants, yes, I jizz in my pants)
Yes, I jizz in my pants
(I jizz, yes, I jizz in my pants)
22.Awesometown
Since the beginning of time＊
Mankind has searched for sanctuary from poverty, sickness, and
war.
Just recently, three young men found it.
Welcome... to
Awesometown.
Come along with us!
Come along to Awesometown!
Come along with us!
And wipe away your frown!
Role call：
Andy!
Akiva!
Jorma!
Andy!!
... Akiva
...... Jorma
Andy!!! and Jorma and Akiva!
Come along with us!
Come with us to Awesometown!
Give us all your trust!
And we won't let you down!
Dance break
(Left... right... left, right, left)
Stop
My name's Akiva
The brains of the group
If ya have a problem I can solve it for you
My name's Andy
And I play sports
I also enjoy building forts
My name is Jorma, muthafucka
The sensitive one
Break your muthafuckin face with the butt of my gun
Rip off your arms and break your legs with 'em
Spread your ass cheeks and stick my dick in 'em
Come along with us!
Come with us to Awesometown!
Fun times are a must!
In Awe... some... town!!!
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